Dubliner Drowns in Guinness Vat, Still Finds Time for Loo Breaks

In an unbelievable turn of events, a man tragically drowned in a vat of Guinness at St. James Gate, Dublin, but not before reportedly taking three loo breaks throughout the ordeal. Fellow workers were left dumbfounded yet slightly impressed by the man’s apparent dedication to proper restroom etiquette.

The incident occurred at 53 James St, St. James’s Gate, Dublin 8, where Finnegan Murphy, 45, was working the early morning shift. Witnesses report that Finnegan, a self-proclaimed “Really hard worker and great swimmer,” decided to take a closer look at vat 34. He slipped and fell into the vat at 10:12 on Tuesday. He was pronounced dead at 15:13.

His fellow workers were shocked when they saw Mr. Murphy flailing in the vat, but their surprise turned to confusion when he climbed out of the vat and rushed to the loo – not once, but three times during his struggle.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said floor worker, Siobhan O’Connor.

“Sure, he looked like he was in a right pickle, but then he’d just scrammle out, shake hisself off, and dart to the loo like it was nothin’ out of the ordinary at all!”

Reporters on the scene were baffled by Muphy’s actions but relieved to report that he seemed to not have suffered too much during the incident. “It’s a testament to his love for the black stuff,” said one journalist.

“He clearly wanted to make the most of the situation, even if it meant hitting the jacks a few times along the way.”

Mr. Murphy’s wife, Aoife was told “He didn’t suffer. He got out three times to pee”

The brewery has decided to honor Murphy’s memory by naming a limited-edition stout after him: “Stout to the Loo” Each bottle will come with a friendly reminder to drink responsibly and to always use the loo before attempting any daring brewery explorations.

Although Finnegan’s story had a tragic ending, it serves as a stark reminder of the importance of safety measures and the power of one man’s unwavering dedication to proper loo breaks.

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